Jan 29

I approached the table with trepidation. I broke into a sweat as my chips were counted out to me, and I peered at my opponents over my cards with fear. Could they sense that I didn’t know a royal flush wasn’t just a reference to how red my cheeks get when I’m bluffing? And then, it was my turn. I hardly knew how to react, what with my winning hand of a 2 of clubs and a 4 of hearts. My heart beating faster with every moment, all eyes on me, I opened my mouth and spoke boldly:

“I’ll see your five m&m’s, and I’ll raise you five more.”

Oh, I definitely scared them! The laughter on their faces belied the intense fear they felt at my bold bid for more chocolate. To my left, my opponent Abi picked up the deck and, with the cocky air of a true poker genius, she cried out,

“Okay guys, here’s another flop!”

Her husband, one of the world’s finest poker players, known to us only as “Brian,” turned to her and, with the air of a true colossal card king, responded by saying,

“Honey, I think that second card you put down is called the ‘turn.’ Let me check it out here in my ‘Poker for Dummies’ guidebook.”

But Abi, confident from years, or at least minutes, of poker practice, was not to be deterred when she knew she was right.

“I know it’s my ‘turn’, that’s why I’m putting down another flop!”

After her flop, more betting ensued, and I hungrily eyed the brilliant array of red, blue, orange, green, and yellow poker chips. How could I get my opponents’ eyes away from the pot so that I could have just one taste of the rich chocolately goodness of it? And speaking of rich, would I be if I could just figure out how to get 2 pears? We had gone through nearly the whole deck, and I hadn’t seen a single card with fruit on it. Why could I not get the coveted two pears, and why did my opponents keep insisting that a it’s good to get a straight? Of course I was playing it straight; I was going to win that chocolate, but I was going to do it fair and square. Why would I bend the rules for a few m&m’s……

“It’s your turn! Are you even listening to us? Are you still in?”

The voices of my opponents became apparent and I focused my attention back on the game. Had the second flop revealed any pears? Was I still going to play it straight for my chocolate?

“She’s out…..look at her, she’s eaten all her chips.”

I tried to respond, but my mouth was just so full of chocolate.

I’ll let you know how our trip to Vegas goes.

Jan 26

Decoding the Mystery of Man: The Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the RelationShip Enterprise. Her continuing mission to explore strange new men, to seek out new men and their lack of civilization, and to boldly go where no woman has gone before!