Dear Loyal Blog Readers,
It is most unfortunate that it has recently come to light that upon our breakup, The Ex missed my blogs so much that he hired a private investigator to seek out my new site. The private investigator, backed by years of training at private investigator college earning his private investigation degree cleverly typed into google the code words “Coolest blog site ever!” and, obviously, the first search result linked him directly to my site.
However, having been discovered as such by The Ex, it is no longer prudent to discuss The Ex nor draw attention to The Ex’s decision to Ax me the first time, nor his decision to Ax me the second time. Therefore, all further blogs will contain no negative statements regarding the opposite sex, or anything else for that matter, and will discuss only happy things, such as butterflies and puppies.
Butterflies are beautiful winged insects who flit gaily through the sky until they are smashed by a windshield. Those who manage to avoid the windshield will fly happily through the sky until they are captured by the hands of a small human child, whose excessive touching will remove some of the tiny scales and damage the important veins that assist in the butterfly’s flight. The beautiful butterfly will be permanently wounded and unable to fly again. EVER.
Speaking of wonderfully happy things, puppies are also happy. They are energetic, innocent animals that bring much joy to our lives until they are spotted outside without their collars and whisked away to the pound, where at least 60% of them will be euthanized.
Well, loyal readers, I sure hope you enjoyed reading this positively uplifting blog post as much as I enjoyed writing it! It feels awfully good to write about only happy things! Please stay turned for my next cheerful and optimistic blog post: “Death and Destruction: How Close Is It REALLY?”
–Troi out
