….Run over your current pair. At least, that’s the approach I took today. Certainly, being of only moderate income with lots of fancy grad school loans to pay back (that’s right, kids–go to graduate school and you’ll end up writing blogs! :-), I didn’t actually want to buy new sunglasses, and was perfectly happy with the pair I already had, but I suppose most of you can relate to just how difficult it can be not to run over your nice expensive sunglasses. Doesn’t it always seem that they’re right there, under your wheel, just waiting to be crushed into a shapeless blob of unidentifiable glass? (Take note here, notice I mention one shapeless blob. If you want a good pair of sunglasses, buy Ray Ban, because even after you run over them, they will still be in one piece, even if they are unwearable.)
Buying a new pair should have been a pleasant, if unwanted and expensive experience. But as I listened to the Sunglass Hut employee chatting on his cell phone about his gambling problem and the brand new car he had bought this morning, I should have sensed that I should turn around and walk out. But alas, I bought a pair, a pair that only revealed its brand-spanking new scratched surface when I had walked outside and put them on. (Beware: Sunglass Hut has poor lighting for a reason.) So I walk all the way back to the store and request an exchange. Now I must have underestimated this fine Sunglass Hut employee because it turns out he was psychic. Without so much as looking up, without so much as typing the sunglasses code into the computer to see if there was another pair, he immediately knew there were no other sunglasses I could exchange mine for! I mean, what a John Edwards, right?? This employee is disturbed by my very presence, because he has to put his friend (or gambling sponsor) on hold. He is nice enough to suggest I hunt all around town for a Sunglass Hut that has my pair so I can have an exchange. This was very kind indeed because that’s what I usually like doing on my Saturday nights. So I exit his store so that he can return to making money for talking about his gambling habit on the phone. And naturally life is as it should be.
**For other fun and creative ways to ruin your nice pair of sunglasses, pick up the phone, and dial 1-900-iwanttobeanidiottoo and even though you may not be fortunate enough to get me personally, you can talk to one of my servants, who will inform you how to destroy your sunglasses for only $20 a minute!! Call within the next 5 seconds and receive a bonus audio cassette tape in the mail that teaches you how to destroy various OTHER accessories and even your favorite articles of clothing!