April and the Real Fool

Dear Readers,

I’ve always wished there were just one day in the world where we could just make a joke out of everything. Where everything we say could be sarcastic, and we would be celebrated for the outrageous pranks that we pull at work, instead of getting fired for them, like that one time.

I’ve always wished that this day were in the springtime. Perhaps in April, around Easter, so that the shenanigans could offset that Catholic guilt that soars around the Lenten season.

Early April would be best, because by the second day of April, jokes just get stale.

I’ve decided to call this day April Fools Day.

Readers, if you research the origins of April Fools Day on the Internet (which, incidentally, I also invented), you’ll find that I’m not always given my due credit for having invented April Fools Day. You’ll often find tales of its invention back in the 1500s, at the time of the switch to the Gregorian calendar, when January 1st replaced April 1st as the New Year. Forgetful people still attempted to celebrate the New Year on April 1st, and their minor oversight was allegedly met with innocuous teasing, such as flogging, hanging, burning at the stake, and other friendly jests.

These days, however, April Fools Day is more widely, and accurately, regarded as created by me. After all, I have a mind like a steel trapeze artist, and I had to do something to occupy my time after I invented the lightbulb, and before my invention of the telephone.

You don’t have to thank me for creating this day of joy you’ve come to know and love as April Fools Day. However, you do have to pay me. Due to recent approval of my April Fools Day patent, every time you utter the words April Fools Day, or any combination of those words, related words, words that start with those letters, or words containing one or more of those letters or letter combinations in any order, you will need to deposit money directly into my bank account.

And, of course, [happy] April Fools Day!

–Troi out

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