Trekkychick

Recent research (by Troi) into gender differences has uncovered that the fundamental difference between men and women is not what we once thought. The primary difference is not anatomical, nor is it emotional, nor is it intellectual. The primary difference is actually the level of desire to fix material objects that have broken. A simple dialogue taken from a recent real life event can serve to demonstrate this striking difference:

Troi: My vacuum is broken.

Unidentified male friend of Troi: In dismantling your vacuum, I see that the belt has broken. We will drive to the local vacuum store to buy you a new belt.

Troi: That sounds like a lot of work. I think I”ll just get a new vacuum.

UMFOT: But a new vacuum is several hundred dollars. A new vacuum belt is only $4.95.

Troi: Yeah, but, putting a new belt in the vacuum sounds kind of hard. Look at all the nails lying on the floor. I don’t think I can fix it.

UMFOT: Those are called screws. And anyway, I’ll drive you to the vacuum store, help you find the new vacuum belt, and replace it on your vacuum for you so you don’t attempt to hammer the screws back in. Really, it will be easy and much cheaper than buying a new vacuum.

Troi: Are you sure I shouldn’t just buy a new vacuum?

Readers, the thing I want to get across here is that I am not lazy. I am a dedicated employee, volunteer, and good samaritan. Why, just the other day I saw an elderly man hobbling across the street and I slowed my car so as not to hit him too hard. Clearly I am a concerned citizen who is unafraid to go the extra mile when duty calls.

But I just don’t like taking things apart. My unidentified male friend (UMF) is just one of many MFs I have who seem to derive some sense of pleasure from taking things apart, inspecting their insides, and then putting them back together. Not only does this type of behavior sound unappealing, it in fact actually repels me. It repels me to the extent that I would rather spend $200 on a new vacuum than face the daunting prospect of fixing the old one.

I admit that ultimately hundreds of thousands of UMFs will save their money by dissecting their respective vacuums, computers, cell phones, blenders, paper towel holders, and pet hamsters to see what is wrong and fix the problem themselves rather than the alternative of buying new vacuums, computers, cell phones, coffeemakers, paper towel holders, and pet hamsters.

But I’m willing to accept that fact. As long as you don’t make me dismantle my appliances.

–Troi out