Dater Haters

[ad#ad-1] My friends recently held an intervention for me. They believed that after my last relationship I had become unfairly hostile and jaded toward the opposite sex, and that I had allowed one bad experience to color my view of all members of the male species who currently, and will ever at any point in time, exist in the universe. I looked with disdain on all females who dared to attempt to partake in a real relationship with a man and especially my fallen friends (those who married).

I had become a Dater Hater.

Have you ever found that a single bad experience tempts you to make generalizations you shouldn’t, flinging stereotypes you don’t actually even believe? For example, just this morning a car with a Bush/Cheney bumper sticker cut me off in traffic and the next thing I knew, I was fuming about the bad driving habits of all Republicans EVERYWHERE.

This is what Dater Haters do with men. We allow the way a single man once treated us to dictate the way we view men everywhere. As a recovering Dater Hater, I think that we do this because we think that if we despise the collective man, we will not actually open our hearts to one again, thus avoiding all future possibility of being hurt.

A Dater Hater takes skepticism to new heights, taking it as a certainty that any gestures of kindness from the opposite sex are fraught with underlying motives. Even in the midst of a Dater Hater’s failed attempts to uncover the man’s dishonest motives, she will remain convinced his gesture is not genuine.

The following transcript exposes the typical dynamics between a Dater Hater and a member of the male species.

Male Species: We should go on a date sometime.

Dater Hater: What’s a date? Is that where we go to your friend’s house and drink beer?

Male Species: We go out, to a nice restaurant. I pay.

Dater Hater: Wendy’s?

Male Species: No, a nice restaurant.

Dater Hater: I don’t get it. What’s the catch? What do you get out of it?

Male Species: Um, nothing. I just thought it would be nice to take you on a date.

Dater Hater: I see right through you. Stop messing with my head.

Male Species: No really, I promise, I don’t have ulterior motives. I just would like to take you on a nice date.

Dater Hater: Am I on Candid Camera?

If you notice a striking resemblance between this dialogue and a dialogue you have recently had, you may be classified as being on the Dater Hater spectrum. And while Hating Dating is a reasonable response to any painful relationship-breakup experience, it also blinds the Dater Hater to those members of the male species who actually know how to treat women. As a recovering Dater Hater, I assure fellow Dater Haters that those decent members of the male species still exist.

And if you’re not ready to find them, join your local breakup sects chapter. 🙂

–Troi out

2 Responses

  1. Adam Says:

    I went through something vaguely similar when my dad died. I saw how hurt and upset my mom was and this odd thought got stuck that said that if I fell in love or had any sort of relationship that it would end in the same tragic and painful way. This of course was completely ignoring the 27 years before hand that were more or less perfect. Hooray for logic.

  2. Aaron R. Says:

    Dear Troi,

    You seem to have great expertise on the male psyche.

    My female friend needs some advice. When she starts to utter the words, “I feel…” his eyes roll back in his head and he begins to convulse. Any attempt on her part to share her feelings engenders this raging reaction. What should my friend do?

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