Trekkychick

Dear Readers,

Today’s vocabulary lesson is inspired by my belief that a big vocabulary is a happy vocabulary. Not because I’m a speech pathologist (although I am), but because every time I argued with my ex-boyfriend, he felt the need to throw me off by using big words. At which point I’d have to pull out my pocket dictionary, look up the word, and by the time I had integrated it into my vocabulary sufficiently to formulate a response, I had forgotten the sentence in which the word had been used. Usually I would have forgotten the whole conversation. Readers, don’t let this happen to you. Study my vocabulary lessons carefully, and you’ll not only improve your debate skills, your increased vocabulary will actually increase your job pay, lower your body mass index, and end world hunger!*

*Other restrictions and considerations apply.

Today’s vocabulary word: Exanimate

To define this word, Readers, I looked it up in my trusty American Century Dictionary, which boasts “more than 60,000 Entries reflecting the English of Today” as well as “fully updated geographical and biographical entries” according to the cover. So when I tell you this I want you to understand the implications: The word exanimate is NOT to be found in my dictionary. I know what you’re thinking, “Troi, it’s under “e” and you just were unable to locate it do to your poor overall sense of direction” but no, I implore you not to fall prey to this sort of blame game. I may not be the brightest crayon in the box, but I know how to navigate my way around a dictionary and I assure you, exanimate is either not in my dictionary, or it’s written in invisible ink.

There is one other possibility for its absence. The word could have been removed due to the fact that the 60,000 entries reflecting the English of Today may have necessitated the removal of some more archaic terminology, thereby leaving room for today’s rapidly expanding vocabulary. Or at least, the rapid expansion of meanings for individual words. For example, I am currently blogging. I just finished talking on my cell phone which did not have enough bars to maintain reception. Life “sucks” but you can “google” ways to make yourself happier. I just read an interview in which Jessica Simpson called her sister’s body sick. I thought this was rude until I discovered that sick now means “cool.” (FYI: I’ve been told by a friend this is actually supposed to be spelled sic but apparently the interviewer was not aware of this, being like me, very very old and out of touch with modern pop culture lingo). My point being that surely the powers that be, the gods of the dictionary, if you will, have had to make some life-altering decisions to allow us a complete and modern dictionary, reflecting the English of Today, rather than the Exanimate Vocabulary of Yesterday.

So I know that you are dying to know what exanimate means now that I have riveted you with this fascinating expose. (Um, either that or you’re thinking to yourself “This girl is a moron! Of course I know what “exanimate” means! It was the first word I spoke as a toddler! I came out of my mother’s womb saying “Waaahh! Exanimate!!”) However, for those of you who are also desperate to discern the meaning of this term, I offer two invaluable suggestions. (And I mean invaluable in that they are not very valuable). First, you could try googling the term. I could have done this too, but then what would I have blogged about? If you, like I, choose not to google this word, then feel free to listen to my clever thoughts about what this word might mean. (Literally, feel free. I will not charge you for these pearls of wisdom, as long as you promise not to charge me for having lost five minutes of your life that you can never get back reading this blog.) Well, animate means in motion, or I think at least having the ability to be in motion. For example “That mouse is sure animate on his wheel!” Ex of course means no longer, as in “He is my ex-boyfriend” or “That was my ex-life before I had that gender reversal operation.” Therefore, it follows that exanimate must mean “once in motion but no longer so.” Here are some practice sentences for you:

“When my car broke down the other day, it became exanimate.” **

“My stomach is exanimate after having digested my latest meal.” **

“Boy, it sure is fun to be exanimate.” **

**The previous sentences are original sentences trademarked by Troi. In order to reproduce these sentences, royalties must be paid to the Troi Foundation, also known as the Foundation to Pay Back Troi’s Graduate School Loans. Each time you utter one of these sentences, several thousand dollars will be transferred from your bank account to Troi’s. Please use these sentences sparingly to maintain your minimum checking balance and avoid overdrawn charges.

Now that you have a better understanding of the way the English language works, and most certainly of this mysterious word “exanimate” you can go about your day knowing that you have just become a bit smarter. For the two of you who consistently read my blog, there is no need to thank me for imparting this wisdom, just knowing you sat there and took time out of your day to read this is thanks enough.

—-Troi out