A younger, skinnier you is just a planet away! According to this website, your age in years varies drastically from planet to planet, depending on the the amount of time it takes for the planet to revolve around the sun. I may be approaching 30, but on Mars I would be a spry 15 years of age!
I know what you must be thinking, “But Troi, I use Botox to reduce the signs of aging. Why would I move to another planet to achieve the same effect?”
Botox stands for Botulinum toxin. It is a potent neurotoxin. One gram, widely dispersed and inhaled, could kill a million people. And if the looming threat of death doesn’t convince you, Botox paralyzes underlying facial muscles, reducing emotional expressiveness. Research has found that it may damage social relationships and the development of emotional IQ. And did I mention that Botox kills?
Now that I’ve convinced you that the only way to stave off age is to move to another planet, the only question that remains is to which planet you’ll be moving. This is where your weight comes in. Certainly, the last thing you want is to move to a planet where you’re younger but fatter. Thankfully, this website also informs you how much you’ll weigh on the planet, and on various stars. After much contemplation, I have decided against moving to the Sun, where I would weigh 3,140 pounds, and have chosen to move to Uranus, where I will weigh a mere 103 pounds. It is slightly unfortunate that on Uranus I will be only .33 years old, and that I will have to wait until the year 2063 for my next birthday, but at only 103 pounds I will be the talk of the planet!
Readers, please forward future responses to my new home on my new planet.
–Troi out
April 9th, 2008 at 6:37 am
Sounds like a good plan to me.
I just want a planet that lets me keep my Internet connection.