Hello loyal blog readers,
It is important today that we commemorate this sacred holiday of Easter by reflecting on the true meaning underlying this celebration.
Easter honors the great Mr. E. Sterbunnie, who, as we religious folk all know, was born in Eggsleham in a small basket filled with straw. Three Wise Hens celebrated the joyous occasion of Mr. Sterbunnie’s birth by presenting him with gifts of gold-foil wrapped Cadbury eggs, Eggsincense, and rabbit fur. Mr. Sterbunnie so delighted in the gold-foil wrapped Cadbury eggs he received at his birth that he devoted his life to ensuring that at least once every year, young children everywhere could indulge in similar confectionery delights!
Unfortunately, not everybody supported Mr. Sterbunnie’s mission. The vegans, the Coalition for Keeping Children’s Weight Proportional to their Height, and the Group Against Genetically Modified Chocolate felt that Mr. Sterbunnie was promoting an unhealthy religious community. They doubted his sincerity and suspected he was an undercover Cadbury operative misleading the consumers in favor of the financial prosperity of the Cadbury corporation. This was a particularly serious allegation considering that corporations did not even exist at that time in history.
With all the pressure from the vegans, Mr. Sterbunnie had no choice but to flee the community. He spent 40 days and 40 nights wandering through the desert, with nothing but chocolate Cadbury cream eggs to sustain him. He was very thirsty, and without water to wash down the chocolate, he eventually became dehydrated.
Mr. Sterbunnie may have died in the desert, but the Three Wise Hens who found him there that Sunday decided that the day would henceforth be known as E. Ster. The correct punctuation and spelling was lost throughout centuries of translations, and the day is now best known as “Easter.” To this day, we honor Mr. E. Sterbunnie’s memory with Cadbury cream eggs and chocolate E. Sterbunnies.
*All names, events, and locations have been changed to protect the anonymity of Mr. E. Sterbunnie** and his descendants.
**Not his real name.
***Or it could be. I’m not telling.