The Modern Woman’s Breakfast of Champions

Lately, I have been eating a very balanced breakfast. I balance equal amounts of coffee and creamer. I balance a coffee cup in each hand, and I balance doing work while simultaneously slurping my coffee.

But recently I’ve been remembering back in the olden days, when I rode my horse and buggy to work and I estimated my time of arrival at the office by observing the position of the sun in the sky relative to the horizon. Back in those days, I didn’t drink my breakfast, and my breakfast didn’t solely consist of caffeine with a splash of cow in it. Back then, I went out into the fields and picked my cheerios straight from the vine, and I ate each nourishing whole grain with milk squeezed fresh from the local milkman. On special occasions, I made pancakes from scratch. I scratched open the Bisquick pre-made pancake mix, dumped eggs and milk into the batter, and poured my creation into the skillet.

But these days, when work begins at 7:30am, meaning that I have to leave my apartment at 7:00am, meaning that I need to be up by 6:59am, there is simply no time for such frills as opening a box. Who has time to crack an egg? And certainly, dumping batter into a skillet is something no modern woman has time for. Pancakes are clearly a thing of the past.

Until today. Today during my weekly grocery shopping trip, I found my heart’s desire: Batter Blaster. Pre-made pancake batter in a propellent can that can be sprayed directly into the skillet. Eggs? Already in there! Propellent? You betcha! And no messy mixing required!

And as I danced happily through the store, propellent pancake batter in hand (being careful not to confuse it with the hairspray I was also carrying, in a near-identical can), I was floored that I myself had not conjured this wonderful invention. Peanut butter and jelly, hamburgers and french fries, pancakes and……propellent! It’s plain to see that these two items should never have been apart!

Upon blasting my batter into the skillet this afternoon, I must admit that I was disappointed by the result. Sure, my aerosol pancake tasted fine, but I was still expected to butter it and put the syrup on top of the pancake of my own accord. What, does the batter blaster company expect me to take care of all of these details on my own??!

Overall, I give my batter blaster pancake four stars out of five. While there are still a few kinks to work out, my propellent pancake sure does take me back to the old days, when we cooked up those homemade cheerio breakfasts.

–Troi out

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