Dear Readers,
Have you been feeling pooped out? You’re not the only one. Turns out your cup of coffee might be pooped out too. Literally.
The cuddly weasel-like creature you see here, known to most as the Asian palm civet and known to me as the Pooping-Coffee Cat, has a particular affinity for coffee berries. The Pooping-Coffee Cat feeds on only the ripest and tastiest coffee berries and poops out the beans undigested. As the coffee berries are partially digested, the inner bean mixes with the Pooping-Coffee Cat’s digestive enzymes, resulting in a bean that is revered for its superior taste and lack of bitterness. Once the bean is extracted from the Pooping-Coffee Cat’s feces, that is.
The Pooping-Coffee Cats make their living mainly on the islands of Sumatra, Java, Bali, the Phillipines, and in East Timor. Their defecated coffee is sold primarily in Japan and the United States and a cafe in Australia sells the delicacy for an affordable price of only $33.00 US dollars per cup. (And to think I looked everywhere but Australia for a cup of coffee with a price tag that exceeded a tank of gas.)
Consumers have questioned whether the pooped out coffee is sanitary, but the Pooping-Coffee Cats’ publicists assure me that there is no public record of illness resulting from drinking this fabulous fecal beverage. Although, what self-respecting person would actually come forward and confess to having contracted illness by these means? What would they say to their doctor? “…I’m wondering if my stomach ache is at all related to that $33 cup of coffee I drank this morning that came from beans cultivated in the digestive tract of the Asian palm civet and then evacuated in its subsequent bowel movements…?”
What I’d like to know is who makes their living sorting through the civet’s feces and gathering the cherished beans. I realize in this economy we can’t be too picky about our employment options, but I know that when I have my intake at the Temp Agency, in my list of skills and experience the last box I’m going to mark is the one that says “Ability to sort through the bowels of homely animals of Asian origin.” I can only imagine my work day: “Hey Fred, I think I found one over here in this pile of fecal matter! Yep, it’s a coffee bean…wait….no….damn, it’s just another acorn. Let’s keep looking….”
Learning about the Asian palm civet and its generous contribution to the world of quality coffee reminds me of the age-old saying:
A cup of coffee in the hand is worth two Asian palm civet’s bowel movements in the bush.
–Troi out
